I have been a vegetarian for almost ten years now. Wow, I can't believe it's been that long. In my time of being meatless I have never been one to necessarily "brag" about being a vegetarian. It's something that obviously comes up in conversation when I met new people or go to new restaurants, but my reasons for being a vegetarian are simple. I just don't eat meat. I don't like it, I don't like the thought of eating animals, and honestly this was my way of rebelling in my teenage years. You see I wasn't a bad kid but when my parents chuckled at the fact that I was no longer going to eat meat I really wanted to prove them wrong. I mean it worked so, thanks mom and dad! Just to clarify this is not a too serious post. This is sarcastic, funny, and light-hearted. Please do not feel offended by anything I say in this post, just know I mean all of this but in a sarcastic manner!
However, I am still human and sometimes other humans annoy me. There are things that people say sometimes that to be honest... is not funny, is not original, and I've heard it a million and ten times. I am all about educating others on my choices and why I made those choices so I have no problem talking about vegetarianism, but certain comments just make me roll my eyes. If you catch yourself saying these things, I promise the vegetarian you said this too had their eyes in the back of their heads.
One // I was a vegetarian before.... unless you were a vegetarian for a huge portion of your lifetime I honestly don't care that you were a vegetarian for "two days." Interesting stories about being a vegetarian your whole life than switching at the age of thirty, that's interesting. You being a vegetarian for twelve hours. Not interesting. What am I supposed to say to that? OH, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON... because we don't. My response to you telling me you were a vegetarian for a week will be, "Oh, cool."
Two // They have salads here... Yes, because that's what I want to eat. Although sometimes I do crave salads, most of the time I will enjoy a big plate of cheese fries. Do not order for me. I can read a menu.
Three // So you're a vegan?.... NO. I am a vegetarian. Please learn the correct terms before labeling me. Vegans don't eat ANYTHING from animals including milk, cheese, and anything with animal product in it. Vegetarians don't eat meat. Pescatarians don't eat meat but they do eat fish. Do not call me a vegan. I am not a vegan.
Four // I like meat too much.... Okay? I didn't ask why you're not a vegetarian and to be honest I don't care. Being a meat eater doesn't make you unique. Everyone eats meat.
Five // Plants have lives too.... I swear if I hear one more time "plants are living things" I might actually scream. This joke is overused, it's not special, it's not funny, and it sure as hell IS annoying. If you can make a piece of lettuce bleed and scream as I cut it, then I won't eat it. However, you can't so please stop saying this terribly awful joke.
Six // You know there's meat in gummy bear...... Please explain to me where pig fat is listed on gummy bears? You can't? Oh, interesting. There are vitamins that are found in animals that are also found in gummy bears, pop tarts, and other foods. Guess what it's not meat so I eat it. That doesn't make me a not a vegetarian. So don't tell me eating a gummy shaped bear is the same as eating a real one.
Overall, I hope no one takes this post too seriously. This is a sarcastic and fun post. Although hearing these things can get pretty annoying. Take it with a grain of salt and maybe walk away learning something. I believe that everyone has a differnet level of vegetarianism and none should be judged. Some people only eat fish. Some only eat chicken. It's really a part of what works for their lifestyles and what works for them. Do not try to correct people on their eating habits and please do not say any of the cliche sayings listed above!
Did I forget to add anything to this list?
xoxo, Michele
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