Let me just stop you right there. You don't really "deal" with it. Sorry to spoil the ending of this article for you, but the truth is everyone is different and react differently to things. The truth is, grief is a very powerful emotion and there's not a three-step process to feel better. It's a lifelong feeling and all we can do is muddle along until it hurts a little less.
Something that I don't share often is that I've lost more people than I can count. There was a point of my life where I had a dress specifically for funerals. There wasn't a year that had gone by when I didn't wear that dress. I hated that dress and every time I wore that dress, I wanted to crumble into the floor. That damn dress.
As I said before, there's not a magic wand that can make it all go away, but there are some things that you can do to help cope. Especially if you lost someone for the first time, grief, it can be paralyzing. The first thing to do, is to let it in. Tears do not make you weak and sometimes letting it all out can take the weight off of your shoulders. Scream, punch, run, kick, yell, cry, cry and cry some more. Get it all off your chest because if you let it build up it will suffocate you.
Do not push people away. You need to understand that you are not the only one who lost someone. Someone lost their child, their parent, their sibling, their friend.. those people know more about what you're going through than anyone else. And at times when you do need to be alone, find a way to put your feelings into words. Some people like to write, others draw, others sing or create art. You need to find a way to let out what you're feeling so you can understand yourself. Even if once you do all that, if you still feel no one truly understands know that it's okay to talk to someone, even if it's a professional.
Remember your loved ones. Everyday, every minute, remember that they will forever be with you one way or another. Whatever your beliefs are, the love that you had with that person is never gone. It will surround you and comfort you at the times that you need it most.
Do better next time. This ones a bit more harsh, but it's true. I think of the time that I didn't spend with my grandpa or my friend and I wish, more than anything that I had just five more minutes, just five more minutes with them. Value this time with the ones that are still with you. You will always want five more minutes, but at least you'll be happy with the time you still have.
If you have any other pieces of advice for people who need help dealing with grief please leave a comment down below. Let's start a conversation and most importantly if you or anyone you know are having thoughts of hurting themselves please call 1-800-273-8255.
xoxo, Michele
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